One step at a time…. first day of treatment.
So Pogo steps out on the water, very tentatively, and his foot sinks in… and he smiles and shrugs and wades. At the end of the movie the Da Vinci Code, the last living descendent of Jesus Christ puts her foot on the water of a pond, and it too sinks in… and she smiles and shrugs and steps back. Maybe, she says, I can try that one about water into wine.
It turns out the miracle of walking on water is not given to many of us. Most of us have to wade or swim or step back for another day. And we don’t often think of simply wading or swimming or stepping back as miracle. But it is… the sign of that miracle is the shrug and smile.
The miracle of one step at a time is at hand… and I am a participant. Yesterday was my first day of treatment… Radiation and Chemotherapy both. The rest of the week radiation only.
It went well. The mask when cold shrinks a bit and feels like it is choking. That passes, but I can be thankful that I don’t seem to have the panic some do with enclosed spaces. The Chemo session went well. The only residual effect seems to be that my body is so unused to additional chemical stuff (aside from rum) that it just feels strange. I suddenly have to take lots of pills in addition to the stuff pumped into me during chemo sessions. Not bad, just strange.
But it is clear that it is all just one step at a time.
At least this time there was little reaction to the chemo. I came back to Matt and Kellee’s home, settled in and ate a good dinner while children came to the door for trick or treats.
The only initial effects are pretty subtle… I know the radiation did something…things are a bit different, but I can’t really describe why. The chemo went fine but I know I’m full of strange stuff.
I didn’t walk on water today… but it was a step forward. Today I stepped in and waded.
That was just right.
Someone asked if Kathryn was here.. Yes and no. Yes, Kathryn is always here whispering good words in my ear, but no, she is not here in the flesh, but in Lewes where we live. She will be coming up from time to time, but there is nothing much to do watching the one step at a time slow dance of this thing. Better she lead the faster stepped dance of life and work. I miss her very much, but that is exactly what I should be doing…. At least that part of my step (the missing her) is a dance in which we both participate…the dance over distance of knowing that she, our friends, and the dogs are all part of a world where the dance is lively, and they part of mine, which is a slow drag, one step at a time sort of dance.
Day 1 is done. 34 treatments to go.